So far I have managed 4 months at the first place and 1 year at the second place. Speaking of places... place your bets now on how long I lasted at place number 3!
Did I mention I have M.E and Fibromyalgia? Extreme tiredness, fatigue and muscle pain from hell. Just what I need, moving around like some kind of traveling hobo.
My life was this time humped into the back of a horse box and Land Rover and driven 26 miles away to, as I mentioned, the arse end of nowhere.
I made myself comfortable, killed 7 HUGE spiders, went to the local shop (that'll be an hours drive then), got myself pizza and beer and went back 'home'. I can't say anywhere I have lived has even closely resembled a home.
There was no room in the fridge for even my pint of milk and you guessed it, there were huge spiders everywhere, every single room. It was freezing cold, the heating didn't work. Tesco (an hour away) sold small fan heaters for a tenner. So fuelled on pizza and a cup of tea I headed back out to try and heat the igloo.
When I got back with my heater which had miraculously and ironically climbed to £20 in the hour it took me to get there the landlord was home. It suddenly struck me that he was in fact really odd and quite scary.
We settled down to sort out the tenancy agreement and the deposit and rent in advance.That was all sorted and I went to bed. Well, I walked into my bedroom and it was a scene from arachnophobia. There were 2 vents in my bedroom, sorry, 1 vent and 1 hole. The vent was to the outside and spiders were crawling through it, HUGE spiders. The hole was into the roof space, there were spiders crawling out of that too.
I went back into the lounge and watched some TV, I also watched the spiders in there too, 1 climbed into my handbag. I have never seen anything like that in my life and hope to never again!
Something on the mantlepiece caught my eye. A gun. A real gun. A Beretta M9 to be precise. Landlord saw me looking and confirmed "oh yes, it's real".
I was now really quite concerned. I went to bed and no word of a lie, I could hear the spiders OUTSIDE my bedroom door running along the laminate of the hallway. I say it's no word of a lie because I wondered what that "tic tic tickety tickety tickety tickety" noise was so opened my bedroom door and proceeded to watch 3 massive spiders run down the hallway. One ran towards me. I leapt onto the bed and it ran under my bed. Oh dear god, I think I know why he has a gun now!!
Freezing cold, spiders everywhere, literally everywhere, a really weird landlord and a gun. Yep, I was in the car in my pyjamas at 3am. Not a clue where I was going I just went and went and went.
I managed to cleverly get lost and was on a dual carriageway heading to god knows where. I rang and rang and rang my boyfriend and he eventually answered and with many apologies from me and some road sign help he managed to figure out where I was and guide me to his house where I stayed for 2 days. On the 3rd day I went back to the Hammer House of Horrors, collected my things and left. Landlord was pissed and kept my deposit.
Over the next 3 weeks I spent every single day driving miles and miles trying to find somewhere to live. Live with the boyfriend? Don't be daft, he's a massive commitment phobe and once hinted I could well be a gold digger. Don't even begin to ask me why I was with him. I eventually found a couple in a very small village not a million miles away from my bloke. They were Christian, very friendly and welcoming, had 2 lovely dogs and some farm animals. The rent was too much for me but they liked me and said if I was prepared to do some gardening and dog sit if they wanted a night or weekend day out they would lower the rent, it still would be really expensive but just about manageable. Why wouldn't I take it?!
My car was loaded up and I moved... again.
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